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May 2022..two years without a sun holiday abroad, first world problems I know but I was never more excited about a holiday than this one. Lockdowns and Covid restrictions had meant that at the height of the pandemic we couldn’t go beyond 5km from our homes, and although we enjoyed the odd trip to Donegal it’s wouldn’t be the same as packing a suitcase and venturing off to a warmer climate with the pleasure of being somewhere different to switch off from the hum drum of family routines.

Maisie didn’t cry in the first few months of her life. If she wasn’t happy she’d let out a little “eh” and we’d know to pick her up. Her first cry was after her surgery. When we arrived home with her Tom became really upset as he had never heard her cry. I reassured him that crying is what babies do! Having said that, Maisie was obviously still in pain following her heart surgery but I do remember with fondness what a sweet temperament she had in those first months.

Tom was my surprise baby, Evie my rainbow baby and Maisie was my miracle baby. I was very happy with two, one of each but perhaps with Evie being such a joyful baby, yearning for a third was no surprise. That and the full knowledge of my biological clock running out of ticks.

I’ve got three kids under 8 and even though I loved the baby stage, there were times when I felt trapped and isolated or just a sense of “here we go again”. Constrained by nap/eating times I wouldn’t always be spontaneous either. With Maisie I also need to fit in daily physiotherapy so unless we are away or on holiday is it any wonder I tell my husband that I still feel like I’m in my own lockdown!

When I think about Bailey I think about two things, firstly all the walks and adventures he’s been on with me and Caolan in Donegal before we had kids and secondly how he is always there hanging out on the floor or the couch with all our three babies.

Even before Maisie was born I worried about her sleep..I didn’t want to sleep train her as I had tried with my other two but I didn’t want to have her come into our bed either. Sleep may have been the least of our worries in those early months with Maisie but luckily I didn’t have much to worry about. Maisie is a good sleeper, we still have nights where she wakes but I keep putting those down to teething!

My memories of Maisie being tube fed aren’t fun. Even before she got the tube, feeding her was a struggle which in turn had an impact on me. It was one of the hardest times of my life yet with all challenges I think we come out of them stronger and better people. Thankfully it’s all in the past and however much we hated that tube, we knew that without it our baby would have struggled to stay healthy.

I wish I had known when I was pregnant with Maisie that everything would be ok. She looks so serene in this photo and she was exactly that as a newborn. But when you get a pre natal diagnosis of a heart defect along with news that your baby will likely have Down Syndrome, the future you had imagined suddenly feels very different. All any parent wants is a healthy baby so getting the diagnosis was a stressful and worrying time.

This is Maisie on her first birthday and what a difference a year makes! A good birth weight at 7lbs 8oz Maisie struggled to put on weight as she was diagnosed with a hole in her heart (VSD) that would require surgery at four months old. Many times I thought Maisie would never be the weight she should be for her age but those days are long behind us and she is thriving since her surgery. The best part of her 1st birthday..seeing how excited she was and watching her munch on her cake🥰😋